Saturday, April 14, 2012

Conan the Barbarian

Netflixed the most recent E. Howard adaptation, the 2011 Conan starring Jason "Doubledogs" Momoa and directed by Marcus "Stegasaurus" Nispel.

You know, when I slid that movie into my DVD slot, I was fully expecting a festival of over-saturated crap the likes of which no mortal eyes have seen. Boy, was it over-saturated. Boy, was it crap. But, all things considered, I very much enjoyed myself.

The plot is balls. The villains have WAY too much screen-time. Baby Conan has WAY too much screen-time. Anybody who isn't adult Conan or his badass pirate buddy (played by Nonso "Jackhammer" Anozie) has WAY too much screen-time. But, for a decent portion of the movie, Conan drinks, pirates, arm-wrestles, slays and don't take crap off no ass. Sure, there's a pasty revenge "you-burnt-down-my-village" plot sloppily inserted from the Schwarzenegger original. (Canonically, Conan came into your village at night and burnt it down. Canonically, he was your favored enemy.) Momoa, despite being kinda a tool, plays an excellent Conan.

Actually, that probably helps.

If you ratchet your expectations to the floor, can appreciate dumb action flicks and are a fan of the original stories, Conan the Barbarian really isn't an awful outing. A qualified yes.

1 comment:

  1. I felt the same way. The funny thing about it all was that people who claimed to be giant Conan fans were adamant about not giving the new film a shot because Arnold wasn't Conan. Those movies were entertaining, but Arnold most certainly was NOT Conan.