Saturday, March 31, 2012

Brain Damage

My brain hurts. Website design is time-consuming and brain-hurty.

No time to blog. Check out this video instead. It's pretty cool, I guess.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Space Pirate Shuffle

Did I tell you I have a composer?

Steven Molony (of Dr. Arkham, Nehel Morel and roommate fame) is sitting in as the resident music-guy for HULL DAMAGE: FIRST MATE (which premieres this upcoming Monday and you should check out if you haven't 'cause I think it's pretty cool and some people I know agree).

He's relatively new to the biz (that being the biz of composery) but I can assure you, he's managed to mix a pretty savvy collection of tunes and jams for the short film. Look out for a fuller version of the music (which is pretty sparse in the actual short) at some point in the near future at this one cool website you should check out again. (See what I did there?)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Easter Egg

More website design today.

I only have a few days left until I launch the HULL DAMAGE website. I've been pouring today's efforts into exploring Wix, flash websites and tiny traces of html.

Due to Wix's peculiarities, it's somewhat difficult to save drafts of a website without the public being able to view them. As a result, I've hidden them away behind various buttons and such.

I'm not saying that, should you poke around, you'd uncover a hidden page.

I am, however, certainly implying it.

Also, cool new video goes up tonight. Same arrangement as before? Meet here at midnight?

(Edit: I guess yesterday was my hundredth blog post. Whoopee.)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

You Should Be Watching

Mind you, I'm only 7 episodes in, but Trigun is the most confusing admixture of great and terrible.

This is not my first attempt to tackle the series. Not an avid fan of anime (barring crowd-pleasers like Bebop and Champloo) it's initial silliness was far too much for me to handle. That, coupled with his tendency to spout Buddy Christ-esque maxims in a badass whisper and how infuriatingly stupid the two insurance girls are, proved too much to swallow.

At the behest of the missus, herself working her way through the series, I gave it another shot, mainly out of morbid curiosity. On the surface, it's such a Timothy J. Meyer premise. Space western about a dangerous outlaw with a colorful nickname and a bounty higher than heaven on his head, it's side cast populated by grungy bandits and unscrupulous rogues, and the added twist that the protagonist, rather than being a hardcore badass, is actually a doltish buffoon. I mean, come on.

Yet, time and time again, whatever choice I would have made with the show, Trigun makes the opposite. It continues to baffle me. They aren't necessarily poor choices – they're just do damnably different.

I can't honestly say I'm enjoying the show. As a writer, I'm just obsessed with it.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Adventures Abound!

Ocean adventures! The missus and I expedited out to Santa Monica this evening to catch some free grub and splash about in the wintry Pacific Ocean.

Video adventures! Check back at midnight for the next video in a series leading up to the release of the Hull Damage Book Teaser. Midnight! Be here!

Book adventures! Don't read The Somnambulist! There aren't any! Or adventures! Read Conan! There are more adventures!

Monday, March 26, 2012

In Summary

Promotion, my devoted masses, is quite literally the worst.

Call me modest, but I have a surprisingly difficult time pimping my own work. I feel as though I accurately understand it's value – it's not for lack of faith in the material – I just simply have a difficult time prioritizing a summary or sample into something an average reader would be feasibly digest.

Working on the IndieGoGo campaign (launching April 2nd, in case you hadn't seen this) has really brought this problem to a head. As far as I understand it, it's simply a matter of practice – the more you plug away, the more shameless you become.

It's an idealized notion I suppose, but there's something romantic to me about just producing quality work for a small circle of fans and letting them pass the content on to whomever they choose at their discretion. It's certainly no way to build a fanbase or make money, that I understand. It's just, I don't know, somehow more appealing to me.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

If You Insist

Another cool video goes live tonight. Would you like a link?

I mean, I can, you just have to ask.

Okay, okay, sheesh. Calm down.

It'll be right here. Come back at midnight, deal?

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Hey! Look!

An excerpt!

"Hands neatly folded, bare feet fully splayed and head lolled backwards over the top of the helmsman's seat, he snores the tranquil snore of the utterly irresponsible – entirely oblivious to the forces of law, order and immigration lurking only two ships further up the queue."

I should really set a modest word count, somewhere near 150 a day, and make my sporadic pecking at GALACTIC MENACE official, regular pecking.

Also, analytics for the website have been sorta down today. Do me a favor and head over to and give her a little traffic. Surely you concede that she deserves it.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Dictated, Not Read

The missus has, certainly out of the kindness of her black thorny heart rather than any true obligation, begun recently obliging me to the tune of taking dictation. Not for the blog, mind you - this baby has, thus far, only originated from mine own fingers, but for the errant few chapters of Galactic Menace I've been poking at. (Yeah, I know.)

It sounds sorta decadent (and, truth be told, it feels sorta decadent) but it's been an enormously helpful tool in perfecting and clarifying both dialogue and prose for me. Talking things through, testing the wording right off the press, voicing the characters - I'm probably not alone in this belief, but it helps me put higher quality on the page from the get-go, which may or may not invalidate some need for the editing process. As discussed.

I'd refer to the missus as my filthy assistant, but I'm not entirely sure how well that'd go over.

Thursday, March 22, 2012


Courtesy of our piteously terrible Internet and a 10:00 pm showing of Holmes at the Pasadena Regency 9 dollar store, my blog poster is exceptionally late. Apologies.

Dan Glaser rented this beast the other day, a game I'd heard something about but hadn't actually seen played. We booted it up, mainly for the Aragorn/Gandalf buddy cop around Middle Earth action, but discovered the most adorable tutorial ever conceived by man.

Behold. Keep in mind, however, that this doesn't show the co-op tutorial. Which features Elanor in a point wizard hat and a jar of fireflies attached to the end of a stick, to simulate a staff.

'cause she's playing Gandalf.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I Need Some Kind Of Formulaic Title For These. Hmm.

Recorded ADR for Steven. Ate a Famous Star burger. Had sex.

What I'm Reading: The Gods of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs. After completing Princess, enjoying it, viewing John Carter, and being curious about the plot's accuracy as regards the Holy Therns, the missus and I decided to begin plowing our way through Gods, the erstwhile sequel. Call my tastes simple, but I really vastly prefer the hack-and-slash, pseudo-political maneuverings of the original. All this afterlife, expository stuff is beginning to bore me. I can guarantee there's no scene in Gods where Carter takes on an entire army by hisself.

What I'm Listening To: Zelda Step by Ephixia. I ain't that much into that step-dubbery them kids is listenin' to, and I've been made to understand that this particular sample is an awfully solid selection, but shit this shit is hot. Combining already-midi riffs off that ol' titan the 64 with crazy batshit breakbeats creates a strangely soothing spectacle. If you're a fan of Zelda or dubstep, check this shit out.

What I'm Reading (PART DEUX!): The Somnambulist by Jonathan Barnes. Ostensibly straight up my alley (a Victorian tale about a magician/consulting detective and his enormous, albino, hairless, mute bodyguard/confidante who doesn't bleed with the eponymously badass handle The Somnambulist) the book continues to get fucking weirder and weirder. Deformed prostitutes, human flies, weird temporal displacement, nonsensical fucking sections about some weird-ass old man evidently asleep under London and having some equally nonsensical fucking dreams - this book unnecessarily has it all. I'm finishing the fucker (because WHAT THE FUCK), but the book started out so promising.

I'm making a concerted effort to read more. It's a little inexcusable how little I actually do read, considering my profession.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

From Scratch

Today, another editing day, was largely spent doing re-writes. Well, when I say "largely" I mean two little sections from two different chapters but still, as far as I'm concerned, that constitutes a lot of re-writes.

Maybe this is conceited, but I honestly don't re-write from scratch very often. Editing, for me, is mostly fixing structural problems (like my ENORMOUS sentences) and trimming fat, but rarely do I feel the need to actually open a new document and take a second stab at something. When I do even that, it's typically a paragraph or two, nothing more.

It's been commented that when I turn in a first draft, it's often a comprehension level more or less equivalent with most people's third or fourth drafts. I tend to ruminate more over each individual sentence before putting it to paper (a reason I'd probably BLOW at NaNoWriMo) and subsequently spend more time on a first draft than most.

Nevertheless, today I drastically shortened a three-paragraph scene in Chapter 16 and re-conceived a confrontation between two major characters that, in retrospect, majorly changes the nature of their relationship not just in HULL DAMAGE, but in GALACTIC MENACE especially.

I rewarded myself with a glass of rich cream soda. Yum.

Also, I've bookmarked this forever.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Police Scanner

I'm just gonna leave this here.

I'm amazed how quickly this one came together; from vague concept to cohesive thing in a few days. Thanks to everyone involved.

Sunday, March 18, 2012


I have something of an unusual coat.

You have no IDEA the bullshit I endured in an effort to post this picture.
Purchased for something near seven dollars at Super Thrift in North Hollywood, it was originally intended as a costume piece for the nefarious Captain in the HULL DAMAGE book teaser, it subsequently became my personal coat for two main reasons. Primarily, I wasn't able to pack a sufficiently warm spring jacket and more primarily, because it's a badass space pirate trench coat and I mean come on.

I'd be the first to admit it's maybe a little dramatic for my tastes and I'd be the first to admit that maybe I can't exactly pull the look off, but I had a revelation early into wearing the coat that I don't really give too much of a horse crap what people think. Space pirates are intrinsically cool.

I've, in the three and a half months of use, received only two negative comments from passerby as a result of the coat ("Oh, look, it's Neo" and "Are you guys headed to Columbine") neither particularly witty and neither necessitating response. It's still somewhat jarring, as I've never exactly been the type to provoke commentary from passerby, and I can't quite decide whether this reflexes negatively on the coat or not.

I don't wanna surrender the idea of being a space pirate, but maybe I'm not cut out to wear one. Hm.

Saturday, March 17, 2012


I spent 15 minutes at an Irish pub off Ventura. I had a free thing of popcorn. I've thusly fulfilled any holiday obligations.

For the record, I'm not one-one-hundredth Irish. In the spirit of the holiday, however:

Top of the evenin' and all that.

Friday, March 16, 2012

A Sonnet

I dedicate this post to the birthday of my good friend and comrade, Steven Molony.

In commemoration, allow me to re-post a pseudo-sonnet (the meter's a little imperfect in places) I wrote for him the previous year:

Would that thyself would fall no ill this day,
That four-and-twenty years from thence
Thou sprang onto foul Earth for to convey
A thespian craft, a mummer's humor-sense.
Would that, this blessed day, the planets grant,
Orbs once align'd, their portents naught but boons
Boards to tread, lines to speak, crowds to enchant.
E'ery player's hopeless fancy from dreams be hewn.
Would that thou spendst the day in good comp'ny.
With stout brethren nigh and wenches to hand.
Best companionship serve to distract thee
From a gruesome doom creeping on unplann'd.
Four-and-twenty years thou famously past.
Six-and-seventy 'fore death's icy grasp.

Hey! Everybody! Go to Steven's fan page and wish him happy birthday.

Thursday, March 15, 2012


Allow me to advise you, o readers, that writing authentic sounding space cop police scanner jargon really isn't as simple as it looks.

I'm working on the second audio promo for the Who Is Nemo? promotional campaign, which involved a two page scene of two orbital law enforcement officers attempting to apprehend a suspect. The scene is mostly technobabble and, despite being two pages long, I found it to be something of a slog. I'm telling you, if the characters aren't either scuzzy criminals with poor grammar or unflattering portrayals of real, unheroic people, it just ain't my strong suit.

Technobabble never exactly suited me.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Are You Not Satisfied, Blogosphere?

Had an eventful night.

Attended a UCB show. Met Timm Sharp for the first time. Drank a Mexican Coke. Ate a Pizziola sandwich. Leveled Funky to 26. Forgot to blog.

This accomplished, I sleep.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Knock Down and Drag Out

Hello. My name is Timothy and I have a problem.

I'm addicted to Brawling.

It's a daily ritual around the apartment, between myself, Dan and Steven. Literally a day doesn't pass in which we don't devote at least a full hour to playing the game and often play for long beyond even that. I'm not going to say that we're especially good at the game, as who's to know, after playing repeatedly in such a shallow pool, but I will at least admit that we're awfully serious about it.

We probably shouldn't be. In all honesty, it ought to remain a simple pass time and potentially, for Dan and Steven anyway, it is. Yet, for some unknowable reason, Super Smash Brothers, Brawl particularly, turns me into a rage demon.

My mind clouds. I begin to extrapolate attitudes and behaviors for my opponents I wouldn't logically imagine my friends capable of. Every blow is an insult, every defeat an injustice that only another game can avenge. I rail and rave against anything I consider unfair or unsportsmanlike (certain items, certain arenas, certain movesets, certain characters) – anything that doesn't fit into my increasingly narrow view of fair and balanced play.

The closest comparison I can imagine would be a gambling addiction, only in place of wagered money, imagine testosterone. I'm not an overly competitive person, but Brawl really manages to bring out the worst in me.

In my defense, I was introduced to the game with a bevy of extremely competitive people, people who played the game mercilessly and without remorse, to whom victory meant utter supremacy and to whom defeat implied a considerable drop in intelligence. Having been conditioned so harshly against defeat, and into such rigid morality, I have a difficult time not only controlling my temper, but even letting loose and enjoying myself.

Most sessions end with at least one person (typically me) tossing a controller or storming off in a huff. A few moments of cooling down and everything's wordlessly repaired, of course – once the machine is off, no one's willing to sacrifice a friendship over such a ridiculous and artificial conflict but it never takes more than one match for everything to turn cutthroat.

Do we stop playing, though? Of course not.

Monday, March 12, 2012


Do you remember yesterday, when I promised a more substantive post?

When I, in the midst of rushing through the Who Is Nemo extra content, made the deal that if I posted something trite at the time, I'd follow it up with something meaty, something worth pondering over, something to set your wheels spinning and your mind afire?

Do you remember? Good. I do too.

Today, let me tell you something very important.

I lied.

(scampers away, a la Zoidberg)

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Donkey Kong, the Totodile

So, I'm playing Pokémon again.

Every now and again, the missus and I will engage in hour races, where we'll each play corresponding games (Red and Blue, Gold and Silver) for X hours and then battle. Usually, this is all a flimsy pretense under which to name all our Pokémon after an eponymous them.

I've obviously done Endless Night before (featuring Odisseus with Surf even!) and apocryphal Lord of the Rings (with Gwaihir, Durin and even fucking Cirdan). The missus' done ASoIaF, characters to specifically annoy my lofty literary standards (Bella Swan, for instance) and she's currently arbitrarily doing Barsoom characters (except for what will eventually be the most badass Tars Tarkas analogue ever.)

In retaliation, I'm, equally as arbitrarily, doing the six most important Kongs, in order of appearance. (Donkey, Diddy, Cranky, Funky, Candy and Dixie.) The big DK is gonna make one ferocious Feraligator.

Unrelatedly, the new piece of evidence is up. Go check it and the website out. Cheers.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Mrs. Cunningham Would Be Ashamed And Potentially Commit Hari-Kiri

Website redesigned it's pretty cool check it out no time to blog have new content to release tomorrow and much work yet to be done on it apologies for the lame post hope tomorrow's be better don't cross your fingers.

Friday, March 9, 2012

John Carter (Of Mars)

The missus and I, having just read (or re-read in her case as she's been a Barsoom fan MUCH longer than I) Burrough's Princess of Mars in time for the premiere, caught a matinee of Stanton's John Carter this afternoon.

Overall, as a piece of fanservice, I liked it. It was close enough to Princess (though the major antagonists evidently originate from Gods, which I haven't yet read) for the diehard canonite in me, with lots of loving references, that I can more or less overlook the necessary plot constraints and changes. I attempt to have more of an open mind to book-to-film adaptations and, as long as the spirit is retained, I'm willing to accept and play along with even drastic plot changes (see Two Towers, which was my favorite of book and film trilogy, despite being the most different from its source material.) So, as a fan of Barsoom, I was more or less pleased with the movie and enjoyed seeing several scenes and characters (Woola, especially) visualized*.

As a screenwriter, I was less than impressed. While it had a few well-structured scenes, particularly in the beginning, as the film progressed it fell into several big, unavoidable blockbuster tropes, including shapeshifting villains, an over-convoluted climax and the messy emergence of surprise morals in the protagonist, previously possessed of few. I do honestly think (as he is in the book) John Carter works best as a dumb old boy from Virgina with a mean right hook and not much more to write home about. Making him a bad boy who speaks Apache and has a dark past in which his village was burnt felt unnecessary.

The film also suffered from an attempt to over-compensate the female love interest, Dejah Thoris, from the lilting beauty she is in the novel into a hard-fighting, brilliant scientist bombshell. In all honesty, she made Carter, the ubermench from another planet, look a little underwhelming. Her performance was the most redeeming part of her character but, in general, I think she fell too short.

In summary, if you're a fan of Barsoom, see it. If not, probably a pass.

*Tars Tarkas, my favorite character, was pretty severely emasculated as well, what I consider to be the real crying shame of the picture. The book describes him as literally the greatest Barsoomian warrior living, a seventeen foot tall colossus who easily dispatches all who stand before him, whereas the film has him trounced in practically each action sequence, particularly by Tal Hajus, his ancient rival and (at least in the film) noted glutton and pervert. And finally, when Tarkas' moment for glory comes, Carter unnecessarily fills the roll and slaughters the Jeddak himself, as if bringing down a mated pair of white apes less than sixty seconds ago wasn't enough. Cut a Thark a break, man.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

One Of The Many Services I Provide

Submitted for your approval, the graffiti on the stall of the second story men's bathroom in Du-par's Diner on Ventura.

Found inked in various different pens on the righthand wall near the toilet paper dispenser:
"I <3 Anne."
"I banged Anne."
"WTF, me too?!"
"You all now have full-blown AIDS. Love, Anne."

And finally, marked across the bottom of the door in a trailing scrawl of letters:
"Why not ass? It tastes good."

Enjoy, with my compliments.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

All The Live-Long Day*

Follow the red bouncing dot, kids!

I've been working on the maaan-uscript! 
All the live-long day!

Today marked the first of my (hopefully) weekly editing days, in which I, for many, many hours, dissect, prod and otherwise improve HULL DAMAGE for publication this summer. With all this energy spent on the promotional stuff (speaking of which, if you haven't yet, visit to start the hunt), it's easy to lose sight of the actual content I'm building up to.

That being said, with today's hard work, I've successfully proofed the book's first ten chapters for Draft 4. Next week, probably next Wednesday, I'll attempt chapters 11-20, but we'll see how successful I'll be.

In celebration of editing well done, the missus and I have been tag-teaming this illustrious game, in an effort to defeat all eight worlds and subsequently rescue that motherfucking bimbo who's, as always, in another motherfucking castle.

Wish us luck.

*As a child, I always thought it was illogically "the lim-long day", whatever the hell that means.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Consulting Detective Upholstery, Inc.

I went thrifting this afternoon. I sought an Evil Genius chair. I found a Consulting Detective's chair.

Ten points if you can spot the missus.

I'd now like to open myself up for business as such. If you have mysteries, bring them to me. I'll be bouncing my leg on my knee or perhaps tending my bees until you arrive.

I wish it had claw feet.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Workspace Assemble!

In news that strangely doesn't pertain to space pirates, I finally got a proper desk today. The missus and I have finally secured a bedroom in the apartment I formerly squatted in and today procured a hasty desk from the lovely Candice "The Pitchblend" Han, of the late Pinching Penny publicity campaign.

After some complicated maneuvering including a rather uncomfortable drive from Hollywood to Studio City practically making out with the inside of the windshield, I have a desk and, more importantly, I have pictures.

 Ooookay, maybe I managed to squeeze some space pirate in there someplace.

The workstation, affectionately referred to as SuperDesk, consists of a $7.00 TV tray I purchased from Target months back for use in the living room and the mondo-ass IKEA table Candice was kind enough to lend us.

Aerial photography of my desk and it's manifold contents.

Equipped with (in a very particular order) Nemo wanted posters, sandpaper, spray paint for making laser guns, waterproof tape, a coaster made from a science fiction prop, a cup for pens and pencils, a microphone, medicine, a cup for toy plastic snakes and frogs, a spare toothbrush, a make-up wheel, Donkey Kong, a pile of Stickie Notes, a desk lamp, Maroolchen the stuffed Wookiee, my Kindle, my D&D chest, a bag of crit candy, badass aviator's, Odisseus, the BATMOBILE, graph paper and my D&D binder, a bowl for miscellaneous cords, a bowl for change and keys, 64 crayola, a Batman coloring book, a dinosaur coloring book, a belt and a fucking shotgun.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go eat another rhino turd.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Who Is Nemo?

The website is officially launched. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. Spread the word.

Hang up posters in your city.
Alert the authorities.
Start the hunt.
Follow the trail.

Check back every Monday this month for new evidence.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Would You Kindly?

In a similar vein to yesterday's post, I'm a BioShock nut.

I don't especially have time to blog as I'm currently borrowing the game, console and even the monitor to play it on from my roommates sos the missus might view it. (I'd let her play, but she claims zero desire in playing first-person-shooters.) This is my third time through and I'm continually amazed at how much fucking story they cram into one little game. The worldbuilding's unparalleled, the storytelling is multi-layered and the presentation, with the radio messages and audio logs and unspoken scenes stumbled across, are prime. Pimps only, if you will.

As I said. No time to blog. Little Sisters to rescue.

Friday, March 2, 2012

I Want A Bandolier

I'm a Nerf gun nut.

I have a Maverick, a Raider, a pair of knock-off Double Shots and a smattering of other dart launchers in a hamper-turned-weapons locker in my basement back in Minnesota. I don't honestly have any interest in real firearms (to quote Matt Wallace "except for the shit that I make up in my books") but something about the semi-serious, pseudo-paramilitary feeling of Nerf Guns awakens the inner nine-year-old in me.

I want a bandolier. I want a tactical vest. I really, really want this.

On like, a fucking turret.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

What A Gas!

I'm afraid I've little to blarg* about this evening, as the missus and I have spent many, many hours preparing for and moving into our new accommodations.


The previous day, we (the missus and I) visited the Los Angeles Zoo, as recompense for a bygone argument. As a zoo connoisseur (the Como, the Minnesota, the Fargo, the Duluth, the Cheyenne Mountain, the Denver, the San Diego, the Barcelona and the London), I was extremely pleased with the selection and variety found within; a whole troop of gorillas (with many internal politics to memorize in future visits), orangutans, chimpanzees, gibbons and other non-ape animals. We're looking to become members, the missus and I, considering the location, the somewhat steep admission price and the frequency with which we'll want to return.

Anyway, no time to talk, I have an extremely heavy steamer trunk to cart up four floors.