Saturday, June 30, 2012

Adventurers Assemble!

I had a string of pathetic thoughts the other day, beginning with:

"What would the Whedon film Avengers line-up look like as a 4E adventuring party?"

Spoilers ahoy, so.

Followed subsequently by this mental breakdown, compiled in disturbingly record time:

1. Captain America
Role: Leader. Class: Warlord. Alignment: NG.
Cap's classic Inspiring Warlord. High Strength as a result of the Super Soldier Serum. High Charisma as a public figure, an inspiration for the troops and for the Avengers. Most likely to heal another hero with bolstering words or a selfless gesture. At first glance, I'd say LG, but there's enough evidence to suggest he's willing to bend the rules for the greater good. Disobeying orders to save prisoners, forging draft documents, all for the greater good. Doesn't much like breaking the rules, but he'll do it. Good with a capital G, neutral with a lower case n.

2. Thor
Role: Defender. Class: Paladin. Alignment: CG.
Thor's a little trickier. High Strength, High Charisma, Low Wisdom. He doesn't classify as neatly into a character class as the others do. Looking at his tactics during the New York battle, however, it's clear that he's a defender. Cap tasks him with holding the portal, bottlenecking the dimensional rift and keeping as many Chitauri out as possible. On top of that, he's naturally the most indestructible of the Avengers (barring a super-mad Hulk) and typically struts around in big metal armor. Being as divine as he is, paladin's the obvious choice there (though sorta of himself, which is weird. Maybe of Odin?) Alignment wise, he starts Branagh's Thor CN, wishing only for battle and caring little for the consequences. By Avengers, he's CG, learnt some selflessness and some humility, but still likes battle quite a bit, almost as much as Hulk.

3. Hulk
Role: Striker. Class: Barbarian. Alignment: NG/CN
Mechanically, Hulk's as simple as they come. "Hulk Smash" might as well be "Hulk Strike" – he's all about damage and damage and damage. Barbarian's the obvious choice because, not only is he the beefiest of the strikers, but the mothafucka is strongest when he's maddest. Yeah, textbook barbarian.  High Strength, High Constitution, Abysmal Int and Wis as Hulk, more or less the opposite for Banner, though he's got pretty shitty Cha too. Alignment-wise, much cloudier. Depending on your interpretation, Hulk himself can be awfully heroic, but movie Hulk is a barely contained monster. CN, with flashes of CG. Bruce is most certainly NG – willing to do the right thing, but unwilling to surrender himself, allowing further destruction from Hulk. Shades of gray, YMMV on this one.

4. Iron Man
Role: Controller. Class: Wizard? Alignment: CG
Speaking of YMMV, this one was the trickiest but, ironically, I think makes the most sense. Artificer was my first bet, but in 4E, they're actually leaders. No, according to Cap, Iron Man's tasked with keeping a perimeter, keeping enemies from fleeing or spreading out. He's definitely a controller and, assuming you swap magic for machinery, the high Int wizard is kinda an inspired choice. He's also naturally the cushiest of the four film Avengers, having no Serum, no gamma or no divinity to fall back on. Only his technology. Alignment is textbook CG. Tony's way or the gorram highway.

Off the cuff, I'd say Rogue (maybe 4E Assassin) for Black Widow, Ranger for Hawkeye, I don't know Warlord for Fury too?

Oh, and Badass for Coulson.

Dissenting opinions go below!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

P'zolo Problems

One of the less than exciting factors in my life since the publication of my first novel has been the job hunt.

I'm chronically unemployed and damn-near unemployable. I've been able to scrape by with very temporary gigs or medical studies these past few years but, as I dwindle down the amount of cash pulling installation cable and writing screenplays has earned me, it's maybe time to locate a real person job.

One of the serious, unexplained downsides for applying for food service related jobs online are the targeted ads. I don't know what the fuck a p'zolo is supposed to be, but holy fuck do I want one.

Sunday, June 3, 2012


One of several exciting factors in my life since publishing Hull Damage involved a ritualistic shaving of my Thorian locks.

Cueball wouldn't be an awful X-Man name. Something with momentum, probably. Or, you know, baldness.

I'm balder than Professor X, Spider Jerusalem and Aang all rolled up into one mixed metaphor.

A few observations; twenty minutes under this oppressive California sun is sufficient to burn my scalp, I've developed an unnatural aversion to air conditioning and I'm willing to bet I'm ten times the swimmer I was three days ago.

I'll probably grow my mane back at the earliest opportunity, but it was interesting to see precisely how I'd look in a Russian gulag.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

The Prodigal Blogger

I know, I know, I know.

With the book's release, I've more or less been bunkered the past two weeks. As it's now June 2nd, I suppose it's safe to return to the blogosphere. I know you were worried.

In better news, book's out.

Visit and download HULL DAMAGE. For free.

Lemme know what you think.